If you’ve ever watched your child push away a plate before even trying what’s on it, you’re not alone. Many families face mealtime battles, and while it can feel like stubbornness or defiance, research shows that picky or fussy eating is often much more complex.

Understanding what’s driving your child’s behaviour can make a big difference in how you approach mealtimes.

It’s Not Just About the Food”

Eating is a surprisingly complicated task. It’s not just about chewing and swallowing — it involves all eight sensory systems, fine and gross motor skills, and emotional regulation. For many children, challenges in one or more of these areas can make new foods feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, or even unsafe.

1. Sensory Processing Differences

Some children have heightened sensitivity to the taste, smell, texture, temperature, or even the appearance of food. For example:

A crunchy carrot may feel too loud in the mouth.
A mixed-texture meal like stew may cause anxiety because it’s hard to predict each bite.
A strong smell (like broccoli or fish) might be overwhelming before the food even reaches the table.

Others may be under-responsive to certain sensory input, preferring foods with intense flavours or extreme textures just to register enough sensation.

2. Oral Motor Skills

The muscles needed for chewing, moving food around the mouth, and swallowing develop over time. If these skills are delayed or weak, certain foods can be physically harder to eat, leading to avoidance.

3. Medical and Health Factors

Reflux, food allergies, gastrointestinal discomfort, or a history of choking can all shape how safe a child feels when eating. Even once the issue is resolved, the memory of discomfort can persist.

4. Developmental Stages

Sometimes, picky eating reflects a normal stage of development. Between the ages of two and six, children often become more cautious about trying new foods — an evolutionary instinct to protect them from eating harmful substances when they gain independence.

5. Emotional and Behavioural Needs

For some children, eating is about control. Mealtimes are one of the few situations where they can say “no” — and that “no” gets an instant reaction. Anxiety, changes in routine, or a need for predictability can all play into food refusal.

“Picky eating is rarely about being difficult or spoiled. For some children, the way a food looks, smells, feels, or tastes can feel overwhelming.”

Supporting a Fussy Eater

When a child feels pushed or bribed to eat, it can heighten anxiety and resistance. While this might get them to take a bite in the short term, it often increases long-term avoidance. The most effective mealtime environments are those where children feel safe, in control, and free from judgment.

Instead of focusing on “getting them to eat,” focus on:

Positive food experiences — low-pressure opportunities to see, touch, and smell new foods.
Building trust — respecting when your child says “no” and reintroducing foods gradually.
Consistency — regular exposure to a variety of foods without forcing.
Modelling — eating together and enjoying a range of foods yourself, so your child can watch and learn.

The SOS Approach to Feeding

The SOS (Sequential Oral Sensory) Approach to Feeding, used by many feeding therapists worldwide, views eating as a learned skill — one that needs to be built step by step, with trust and safety at the core.

The aim isn’t just to “get food in” but to help children develop confidence and positive experiences with food over time.

Changing how a child approaches food takes time, patience, and a lot of small steps. Every child’s path is unique, and progress might look different from one week to the next.

Understanding Your Child – Fussy Feeders & Picky Eaters
This practical guide gives you clear strategies based on the SOS Feeding Approach to support your child’s comfort and curiosity around food.
[Download the guide here]

Understanding Fussy Feeders & Picky Eaters